Look to the Sky Look to the Future
meditation! loving life! and a comprehensive list of my myriad fainting spells!
Hi! The fortnightly-ish blog is starting to feel more like a monthly-ish blog and you know what? It's fine. It's all fine. I haven't written because I've been busy doing the deep inner work. And! Still hydrating like a psychopath! I think my grief diet has turned into a hydration diet, and the result is that I don't crave random sweets, though I still like drawing them. Here are a few.
So I've been doing some freelanceish/contract work for this small online school for--gosh--almost a year now. And as we are preparing to launch fall classes, one of the teachers has some really cool offerings, among them, Astronomy, Intro to AI, and Astrophysics. We were getting really excited meeting about this, and one of my colleagues said she loved these classes because they implied "looking to the sky and looking to the future."
Isn't that marvelous?
Look to the sky. Look to the future.
But...but...you say. Pollen is so bad right now, and the trees are all getting weird diseases, and people in Los Angeles are spending upwards of 125% of their income on childcare and no one can afford a house and the internet has given us all raging case of ADHD and Trump's about the be re-elected and...and....the future SUCKS!
This is where my deep inner work comes in. I wasn't lying. I have been doing these meditations to reprogram trauma, and even if I fall asleep half the time, something is still going on in my deep psyche, and there's a lot to be said for letting the spaces in between your thoughts exist with no agenda. That, my friends, is where the quantum shit happens. Then you come out of it, and every unraveling moment feels like a tiny magical gift. The sun when you walk out of your door in the morning, the honeysuckles in the air at dusk. Going barefoot, the first sip of coffee, getting roses in your cheeks. I guess it's a feeling of falling in love with life. Or maybe it's an I've-been-surrounded-by-death-for-the-past-10-months-and-I'm-over-it thing. Either way, it's a fun and welcome feeling.
It really comes into focus at markets, of which I've been doing many. I recently spent the weekend at the Maryland Zoo, hocking my wares among the wild geese and trusting my tent to stay intact overnight during a brutal lightening storm. Outdoor festivals like that have an everything-is-beautiful-and-nothing-hurts kind of feeling, especially when there's live music, and beer, and everybody just looks glowing and cute and happy and free, even if they're objectively none of those things, it's more of a vibe than anything. It's making me think differently about aging, but my thoughts aren't clear on it all yet. It's something like. . . keep your buccal fat and go to more festivals. If you do this, not even the deep tear troughs you were born with that have become embedded in your face after a year of crying will be able to mar your beauty, for aura is stronger than hyperpigmentation. Besides, botox would make me faint.
Did you know that I'm a fainter? Do you want to see a list of all the places I've fainted?
church
3rd grade field day
spelling bee
talbots
taking the SAT
tennis court (x3)
bar
getting a tattoo (x2)
getting an IUD
getting said IUD out
epidural (which fortunately was overseen by the same doc who witnessed the IUD drama)
miscellaneous blood tests
miscellaneous piercings
So I'll live with the deep tear troughs. I'm not tired, I'm certainly not dehydrated, it's just the tracks of my tears, ok Smokey Robinson?
That's all I have for now. Twins are finished school in less than two weeks, and we've been dismal at summer planning. Until!